In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves.
A South London man who accidentally touched his mouth with Holy water on the way into church was rushed to hospital before Mass had finished.
Local catholic, David Briton, put his self-consciousness down to nerves during his first visit to his local charismatic prayer group. Only later did he discover that in reality everyone was actually watching him intently.
Newbridge parishioner, Ethyl Porter, perished under a deluge of holy trinkets she had been keeping in her wardrobe. An amnesty now exists for such items.
A new descant for the popular traditional British hymn, Jerusalem, has been unveiled. 'This is like Banksy does church music.'
New research by the Institute for Ecclesial Statistics has shown the average age of attendees in children's liturgy across the United Kingdom is 52 and there are nine adults for each child.
A Milton Keynes Woman who missed Mass once in 1953 because she was in labour still fears she is going to hell.
Pope Francis has expressed great disappointment that Christmas fell on Monday this year, describing it as ’Rubbish!' ’It means I have to go to Mass twice in two days!'