Local residents fear for their relatives believed to be trapped in their parish's on-going Easter Vigil two days after it started.
A Coventry man, who wore his ashes throughout Lent has expressed his relief in removing them during the Easter Vigil. 'Have you any idea what that does to a family?' Remarked his devoted wife.
Devout newlyweds from Northampton have expressed their intention to let their love shine further than just to each other. 'It sounds nice.' Said an anonymous source. 'But I've never known a couple as passive aggressive as them. Frankly they can keep that to themselves.'
A South London man who accidentally touched his mouth with Holy water on the way into church was rushed to hospital before Mass had finished.
Local catholic, David Briton, put his self-consciousness down to nerves during his first visit to his local charismatic prayer group. Only later did he discover that in reality everyone was actually watching him intently.
Newbridge parishioner, Ethyl Porter, perished under a deluge of holy trinkets she had been keeping in her wardrobe. An amnesty now exists for such items.
New research by the Institute for Ecclesial Statistics has shown the average age of attendees in children's liturgy across the United Kingdom is 52 and there are nine adults for each child.
A Milton Keynes Woman who missed Mass once in 1953 because she was in labour still fears she is going to hell.