Vatican officials have confirmed that a host of new practices are to be incorporated into the Holy Mass.
In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves.
Local catholic, David Briton, put his self-consciousness down to nerves during his first visit to his local charismatic prayer group. Only later did he discover that in reality everyone was actually watching him intently.
A new descant for the popular traditional British hymn, Jerusalem, has been unveiled. 'This is like Banksy does church music.'
New research by the Institute for Ecclesial Statistics has shown the average age of attendees in children's liturgy across the United Kingdom is 52 and there are nine adults for each child.