Pope ‘Why am I the only one who washes the recycling in whole of Vatican!?’

Some recycling bins
Recycling, ‘Out the back’ of the Vatican

An anonymous source has revealed that Pope Francis is ‘sick to death of being the only one who takes care of the recycling at the Vatican.’

A secret recording at a house meeting shows the Pope berating the gathered Cardinals.

‘You just don’t bother.’ The livid Pontiff is heard shouting. ‘You just throw it in the bin and I have to fish it out. Or you just leave it in the sink and the whole place ends up stinking of beans and beer!

‘If I have to wash any more of your cans of Fosters, Cardinal Schmeichel, I’ll kick you in the teeth.

‘And I will find out who it is putting his cigarette butts in those bottles of Stella Artois and leaving them outside my bedroom door. My door mat smells worse than a bout of norovirus. I swear if whoever it is keeps doing it I’ll make him a student chaplain.’

‘I left plenty of notes on the fridge. What else can I do? If things don’t change I’ll have to whack a partial indulgence onto washing up. I bet you’ll listen then.’
When asked for comments, Cardinal Schmeichel said ‘His notes read like encyclicals. None of us read them either. It’s all a bit of a gag really. He’s got no sense of humour, that man.’

When asked for a comment from the Holy Father, his secretary informed us that he was busy separating plastics from glass out back and wasn’t in the mood to make a statement.

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