Ultra-Conservative Groups ban everyone, including themselves, from giving talks anywhere.

In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves. When asked for a reason they said, ’We have reluctantly come to the conclusion that everyone, even we, are Liberal Consorters.’

The groups recently had cause for celebration as Fr James Martin was dropped from various speaking engagements because of a book he wrote about loving our neighbour.

Now they have taken it further and concluded, ’We started to look into who could be considered authentic Catholics but everyone was compromised. We all consort with non-Catholics and liberals in some way so it’s just simpler and more truthful to ban everyone, even ourselves.

A spokesman for the group explained, ’Only the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are safe, though we’re a bit suspicious of the last two.’