Man Catches Six Life-Threatening Infections after Imbibing Holy Water

Recovering in hospital, glad to be alive
Recovering in hospital, glad to be alive

A South London man who accidentally touched his mouth with Holy water on the way into church was rushed to hospital before Mass had finished.

‘I dipped my fingers to bless myself like I normally do but got distracted and did a cross on my head, lips and heart like at the Gospel. It was a bit salty.’ Said James Michael, the recovering church-goer.

‘I was sweating by the sermon, felt awful at the offertory and couldn’t move by communion. One of the alter servers had fortunately seen it before and he nipped away to call an ambulance. It’s the only time I’ve ever left before the final blessing. I hope it still counts.’

The local Priest, who refused to comment, was later seen scooping out the Holy Water, cleaning the fonts with bleach and throwing the water onto the church garden whose flowers soon perished.

Fortunately Mr Michael had a better outcome. Doctors were able to cure the diphtheria, dysentery, tuberculosis and malaria while the whooping cough, flu and gout were left to run their course. The vast majority of his intestinal parasites were all said to have pre-existed this unfortunate occurrence.

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