Woman who Missed Mass once in ’53 still fears she is going to Hell

The Penitent Pensioner
Mary Wassel, who wishes to remain anonymous

A Milton Keynes Woman who missed Mass once in 1953 because she was giving birth still fears she is going to hell.

Mother of six, Mary Wassel, fears the wrath of God because she ’took the wide road’ in missing Sunday Mass during the final stages of her labour, it has emerged. ’I was already half way there’ said the penitent pensioner ’and my waters had already broke a few hours earlier so there wasn’t a risk of messing up the polish on the church floor. I had no excuse.’

Mrs Wassel was educated in an Irish Convent School run by the Gentle Sisters of Merciful Compassion who showed the love of God by running the educational establishment with extreme discipline and regular beatings for misdemeanours. ’I got fifty from the cane for sneezing in the confessional queue once’ said the worried Mrs Wassel, ’I don’t know what we’d get for missing Mass, no-one ever did it.

’When you’ve felt the sting of Sister Mary-Joseph Amaryllis’ cane, labour’s nothing to worry about. I should have gone!’ lamented the Septuagenarian.

When asked for a comment, Sr Mary-Joseph Amaryllis, 116 and still HeadMistress, said ’The little sinner missed Mass? Well the devil will be waiting for her with a stick that’s a lot bigger than mine.’

Local Priest, Monsignor Farnham Royal, shuddered at the mention of Sr Mary-Joseph and refused to comment though he was heard saying that he ‘felt the sting of that cane years ago and still can’t sit for more ten minutes.

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