Manchester Priest Smashes Record for The World’s shortest Mass

Predictably Irish Priest, Canon Seamus O’Malley, has beaten the ‘World’s Fastest Ever Catholic Mass’ record by a whole three minutes. Unbeknownst to the sprinting septuagenarian, two arbiters from Guinness World Records were timing the Mass, having been informed that he could easily do it in under ten.

When asked about his victory Canon O’Malley said he was ‘Delighted! I’ve been honing this thing down for decades and I’ve finally managed to get it under five minutes. It was a great surprise, though, to find out about the visitors.

The Shortest Mass known to Guinness was timed with a watch like this
The Shortest Mass known to Guinness was timed on a stop-watch, perhaps like this one.

‘I was lucky you see because it was a short set of readings, there were only six people there and I couldn’t be bothered to do any bidding prayers. If I’d known I’d have trimmed another minute off but that might have been taking the mick.’

All in all, from bell to dismissal, Canon O’Malley took just four minutes and twenty eight seconds to get through the whole service.

When asked for comment, local Bishop, Sean Mulligan said ‘Ah that’s nothing, I can do it in three. I once baptised four babies in twenty seconds. Now that’s Priesting.’

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