Vatican officials have confirmed that a host of new practices are to be incorporated into the Holy Mass.
Local residents fear for their relatives believed to be trapped in their parish's on-going Easter Vigil two days after it started.
A Coventry man, who wore his ashes throughout Lent has expressed his relief in removing them during the Easter Vigil. 'Have you any idea what that does to a family?' Remarked his devoted wife.
Devout newlyweds from Northampton have expressed their intention to let their love shine further than just to each other. 'It sounds nice.' Said an anonymous source. 'But I've never known a couple as passive aggressive as them. Frankly they can keep that to themselves.'
An anonymous Cardinal has alleged that the Pope uses high ranking Church officials during games of life-size chess against other religious leaders.
An anonymous source has revealed that Pope Francis is 'sick to death of being the only one who takes care of the recycling at the Vatican.'
In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves.